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Working with our 'parts'

Our thoughts and emotions can talk to us

We are made up of parts. Parts can heal. Healing our parts brings change.

  • Consider that we are all multiple personalities and that it is a good thing. Think of the Pixar Movie 'Inside Out'.

  • What makes it a disorder is when people's parts got blown apart through trauma, more than most.

  • 'Parts' are part of our survival story, we survived our childhood by 'separating' ourselves into many parts.

  • Working with and healing these many parts is the most effective and deepest way to truly heal.

  • Some names for various parts of us could be our conformist, rescuer, enabler, co-dependent one or accommodator, inner critic, wounded child, good girl, loyal son, rebel, angry one, sad one etc.

  • We will usually find ourselves in relationships with people and their parts, all of us reacting to each other.

  • We have manager parts, parts whose motto is "never again!". Managers are determined to keep painful things from happening to us again. They do this through criticizing us before someone else can do it, keeping us small, silent, pleasing, accommodating, good and conflict avoidant. They manage our experiences and seek to control how others experience us so that we don't lose connection. They help us suppress core emotions. They carry a heavy burden of responsibility.

  • We have fire fighter parts who react when things get to be too much. These are our addicts, our escapists. These parts work to put out the flames and are activated after we have been triggered. They seek to distract from pain and like good fire-fighters, will enter the burning building and put out the flames with no regard for the actual house or any of your belongings. The further you are from pain, the better. Up and out is their motto.

  • Both manger parts and fire fighters are PROTECTORS. They seek to protect your inner child from overwhelming emotions or abandonment and believe that you are still a small child in need of their assistance. They do not believe there is any actual adult on board who can help them.

  • Protectors protect our inner children, the parts of us that were actually wounded in childhood. Our wounded children carry stories, pain and beliefs that need witnessing and healing. Some beliefs they carry might be, 'there's something really wrong with me', 'the world is not safe', 'I am too much', 'I am not enough', 'I am not loveable'. You cannot convince them that their belief is not true, you must HEAL them.

  • Our parts are stuck in our past, in extreme roles and they believe it is the only way you can be.

  • We cannot get rid of parts of us, in fact, we want to invite them closer, not push them away.

  • healing involves integrating all of our parts, witnessing their pain and inviting them to see that there is a healthy adult Self that can be trusted to lead. Becoming SELF led.

  • Your stuffed emotions will surface so that they can be felt and moved through. This frees the parts of you that have been all alone with their overwhelming emotions because they will be witnessed and held. 

  • We will do this in a safe, slow manner, with curiosity and compassion and the understanding that there are NO BAD PARTS and all of our parts believe they are doing exactly what must be done in order for us to survive. And, they are right, you absolutely needed their strategies in order to survive and now they are limiting your ability to show up in the world.

  • Parts don't heal parts, therefore you must be in your wholeness/Self in order to heal, I will show you how to do this.

  • Through this work you will change the way you relate to yourself, heal from your childhood experiences, find your emotions and change how you show up in the world. 

  • Discovering your authentic self is only possible when we heal our parts and free them to contribute to our insides in healthier ways. 

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